Do you trust Me?

Octamom just posted a wonderfully written blog on reproductive decisions. She ended with the following questions, so I thought I’d dive in and try to answer.

“So what about you? So how about your family? Are you done? Are you just beginning? What questions, fears, dreams have shaped the number of people in your family? How do you know if there may be someone else lining up for membership in your family club? How do you know when the club is complete?”

Did you ever play that game as a child where you stand facing away from a friend, close your eyes and fall backwards…trusting them to catch you? I believe the name of the game was actually called “Trust”. I played it many times. I can remember wondering if they would really catch me, or just watch me fall. I was sure that my true friends would try to catch me…but what if they dropped me?! I always knew that there was really only one person I could totally trust to catch me – my Dad. It was such a cool game if you could really totally trust the person behind you to catch you!

After 11 years of wondering how I really feel about family planning, God has recently brought me to a place of totally trusting Him. I know that if I leave it completely in His hands, He will not let me down. Like that game of trust, I know that He will never leave me or drop me. He knows so much better than I do what is best for me and my family. I have always felt that by using “birth control”, I was trying to take my future out of God’s hands and “control” it myself.

In no way am I saying I believe it is wrong or a sin to prevent pregnancy. I believe that there are times when serious health issues require prevention of pregnancy, and God uses medical science and our doctors to direct us. What I am saying is that for me, it is a matter of trust and complete surrender to God. It is saying “God, You are sovereign. Your ways are higher than my ways. You see the beginning from the end. I trust Your plan.”

Some would say it is easy for me to think like that because I don’t get pregnant very easily. It has always taken years of trying. I don’t have to worry about having children a year apart or having 3 in diapers. But right now, God has me on the other side of the issue – yearning for another child and trusting that His timing is perfect. The same convictions still apply. He is the opener and closer of wombs. Although I desperately want more children and at times feel impatient (ok, lots of times), again, I still must leave it in His hands and surrender my hopes and dreams completely to Him.

I LOVE the way that Octamom put it. I hope she doesn’t mind my quoting her:
“So in the end, the answer is this: we are standing on holy ground. To be invited by an infinitely creative Creator to participate in such an amazing way to make people is holy. To see those people enter our lives is miraculous.” She goes on to say of her 8 children, “To look in each of the faces around our dinner table, to know that we thought we were probably done with the baby thing after 1, then after 2, then after 3...sometimes my heart is in my throat as I think, "What if I had called it quits? You wouldn't be here! I would have missed the amazing miracle of you..."...wow. That's heavy.”

So I’ve answered the question from my heart. All that being said, I cannot leave my answer as it is and not warn anyone who doesn’t already know the disturbing and horrifying facts about “The Pill” that I have just recently learned over the past few years. It breaks my heart to know that I took those pills for nearly 3 years altogether without ever knowing exactly how they work. Most doctors will not volunteer this information, but after hours upon hours of research, I have found enough evidence that I will never use “the Pill” again. Although I have found many sources, the video below is the simplest explanation I've found. Pastor and author Randy Alcorn has also done extensive research on the subject and has posted his findings here, as well as in his book titled Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortion? which includes endorsments from many doctors. Please watch!